last night was horrible. just horrible. i couldn’t stop myself from crying last night. even on the phone with sya. i sounded like some pathetic asshole on the phone and i made sya cry too. i’m sorry. her sms made me cry even more. and i cried when i read the post she wrote on her blog. i’m touched. thanks babe. for everything. for being so supportive of me. for being there for me when i really needed someone. just you being there for me was more than enough. more than anything i could ask for. and i’m sorry. but i couldn’t make myself say the things you asked me to say. thank you so so very much. i love you <3333333 oh and girlfriend. tell me how your competition went. i am dying to know. and i’m sorry you didn’t get into the finals. sorry i wanted to call you to ask you but i was busy the whole day.

i dunno how i should feel. i dunno what to say. i dunno what to do. i dunno who to trust anymore. i dunno who to believe. i really want to believe but its just so hard. everyone’s telling me very different things i wish i could just shut my ears and shut myself from the whole world. gawd, i sound like christopher. so all along EVERYONE was in it and i was too stupid to realise it. maybe you're right, maybe you SHOULD HAVE told me after mid years cause now my mind just can't think properly and nothing goes in when i study. i'm so angry and pissed at everyone and anyone. i get so intimidated easily by anything and everything that happens around me. i want everyone to just leave me alone. and i have absolutely no idea how i’m going to face everyone in school on tuesday. i’m not ready to forgive anyone right now so i’m really sorry. it’s sad how people don’t trust me and think of such things of me, in school and outside school. it hurts. but it's okay. i'll get through this.

ANYWAY, the song dancing in the moonlight is such a happy song. seriously, it does help cheer you up A LITTLE when you hear that song when you’re down. listening to sad sad depressing songs when you’re down just makes you cry.

i can’t remember what happened for the past few days because my mind’s not thinking properly right now. i don’t even want to recall what happened for the past few days because its too painful and i can only remember the hurtful things that happened.

but i thought tuesday was rather hilarious. assembly was just laughing session. okay so siow was pms-ing on tuesday. then during assembly steph made me and adee clap hands with her. so we did. and when siow asked us to stop adee just continued clapping her hands to intimidate him more. so siow asked adee to stand at the door. and i couldn’t stop laughing at adee so he made me stand too. me and adee just started laughing like shit when we stood together. so he made us stand further apart but we STILL couldn’t help laughing. then sarah played with padma’s hair so he made sarah stand too. then he noticed that all our shirts were tucked out so he made us go out to tuck in our shirt. so we tucked in our shirts and siow let ME go in first and kept the two of them out, cause he still wasn’t satisfied with their shirts. HAH look who’s the guai one. then after a few times he STILL wouldn’t let them come in and sarah had to talk to siow THROUGH THE WINDOW. IT WAS DAMN FUNNY LA! i couldn’t stop myself from laughing looking at them while i was inside. and the ironic thing was siow also wanted to laugh when he closed the door on adee and sarah. but he was trying to stop himself from laughing. oh and adee got frustrated and tucked in EVERYTHING. so siow let her in. then when adee came in she tucked out a little bit so siow made her stand outside again. HAHAHA IT WAS DAMN FUNNY LA. i was just laughing at them when i was INSIDE. HAHAHA. and after assembly it was just spent laughing like shit at how retarded siow was. omg i couldnt help NOT laughing. and the NICE NICE juniors looked up at us and started laughing at us. ESPECIALLY petrina. THANKS LA. HOW NICE. HAHA. then they played basketball after assembly and me and genelle just laughed at them because the way they played was so darn funny and retarded. HAHA luckily the juniors didn’t want to play with them if not it would be such an embarrassment. HAHA.

okay thats all i can remember. oh and i made fun of petrina on friday during our recess. cause it was dammit crowded in the canteen during recess since everyone was having the same recess at the same time. so then we were at stall 1. we managed to walk through the massive crowd from end to end okay. and I DIDNT GET LOST. so i saw petrina and i made fun of her saying that she would get lost if she were to walk through the crowd. oh and when she gets showcased on MISSING i’m supposed to go like “OH NO I HAVE TO GO SEARCH FOR MY DEAR MORTAL BECAUSE SHE’S SUCH A LOSER SHE COULDN’T FIND HERSELF!” HAHAHA okay lame. then petrina was with janeen and janeen was queueing up at stall 1 with some senior so petrina was just standing there alone and she looked lost so i went like “you lost alr ah? haven’t even go through the crowd lost alr” HAHAHA damn funny.

oh and just now we went out with my dammit cocky cousin and his family. some things he said was just hurtful but ah whatever. oh and i found out that there were no gays in st andrews. WOW i’m surprised. HAHA. and then he and my brother totally made fun of me. they kept on saying that i was a guy. so i went like “yeah whatever i’m a guy”. then they said that they couldn’t imagine me being a girl and just started laughing at me. SO MEAN! MEAN ASSES. then my brother went like “i think you should go for transsexual exchange” or sth like that. so i said “what i go surgery and cut off my dick ah?” and then they started talking sick so i refused to listen to them. i was like “i’m not listening! the tree is so beautiful”. and they started comparing the trees with a dick. GROSS. THANKS LA! HAHAHA MEAN ASSESSSSSS. oh and my sister stayed overnight at their house so YESSSS!! HAHAHA.

word count; 998 words. WOW. HAHA.

(11:59 PM)